“I’ll be going out with friends tonight”, HI uttered these words and the plan was final without any subsequent series of tasks to perform before commencing the plan. Obviously, he does not have any responsibility at home with the baby – he is carefree and can formulate plans on the go. And that is totally JUSTIFIED!
- What if I had a plan with friends?
- Am I even entitled to go on a ‘day out with friends’?
- Would it be that easy to get going? Nah, I don’t think so!
- Does becoming a mother calls us to abandon the lives we used to have before?
- Is it a license to give up on yourself and surrender all your dreams?
- Shall i say ‘bye bye’ to my friends and live in isolation with the baby?
- Does motherhood has made me a weak soul?
- Is it an inconvenience?
These thoughts crossed my mind instantly which were followed by a strong NO from inside. Birthing a baby does not constrain me to let go of my passions or my friendships nor has it made me weak in any way. It is true that you become emotionally weak where your baby is concerned but on the contrary, you feel much stronger and wiser in all respects. You can fight the whole world for your baby (I can kill a flying cockroach/lizard now if I feel that it’s going towards E which I never did before… just an example on a lighter note :p).
Motherhood is not about sacrificing yourself for the sake of your baby rather it is about ameliorating yourself in all the ways possible. The selfless love, effort to give the best in your capacity, trying hard to remain patient at times are the qualities that were unknown to you before the advent of motherhood, no? You are already on the right track dear mommy :). The regular chores we perform as a mother are not out of responsibility but because of the fact that we love our little monsters so much that we’d do anything within our limits and reach to make them happy and keep them healthy.
There is a notion that mothers should spend all their time with their children but that is wrong. You also need to do things that are just for you. Let people say whatever they want to, they will never understand. Only a mother knows what is good for the baby and herself.
Due to any circumstances or just by choice, you opt to work and deep inside you carry the burden of guilt that you are doing injustice to the kids by depriving them of your time and attention – please DON’T! Researches prove that there are significant advantages that follow the downsides of a working mother – you can provide quality childcare facilities, a better nursery/day care which can keep them occupied and is educational for them. They tend to learn things on their own which in turn boosts their confidence level. Looking at the bigger picture, the net effects are neutralized and they grow up to be well rounded individuals.
So I’d suggest don’t go too hard on yourselves mommies, your life is worth much more than solely devoting it to raise children. Be that exemplary kind of mum on whom the kids feel pride in rather than just presenting yourself as a poor soul by telling them tales of what you always wanted to achieve but gave up just because they happened in your life. It will make them feel bad in one way or the other. Allah never burdens anyone with more than one can bear. Stay strong, be positive, make the kids your strength rather than a weakness; they don’t confine you anyway.
Pursue your dreams, hangout with your friends, go bananas, let the fathers babysit once in awhile. Take a break from your usual routine tasks every now and then to maintain your sanity (it is impacted appreciably just by having a cup of tea/coffee all by yourself too). Check out here what I did when I got a chance to party one day. Don’t forget, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy too. Above all, Balance is the key to success. As long as the equilibrium is maintained you have all the rights to work, party or whatever you want to do with your life. You go girl!
More Power to you dear mommy 🙂
7 thoughts on “Becoming a Mother – Obstacle or Edge?”
Dear yasi you definitely spoke my heart out..a much needed article especially for the new mothers who recently went through the blues of pregnancy and then the postpartum depression..All mommies out there plz ask your husbands to read this too ☺
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much Anum Iqbal for your kind words.
Yea, I have been reading and listening to guilt stricken thoughts of many mommies lately, came up with this to reassure them that they are doing the very best for their babies 🙂
U r welcome dear..no doubt you are doing a fabulous job..keep it up girl 👍
LikeLiked by 1 person
I wrote a blog post exactly about these feelings a few months ago…here is the link if you need some encouragement
Thanks for sharing your thoughts Raiya, will check out the link for sure 🙂
A new mom here and I was just going write a blogpost on more or less the same lines 🙂 Enjoyed reading yours 🙂
Check out my blog http://www.thespiceofadulting.com and @thespiceofadulting at instagram. Always great to connect with contemporary moms 🙂
Hey.. Thanks for dropping by. Nice to meet you too. 🙂
These are not just the words but inner voice of every mother.
By the way, your blog looks very nice. Keep up the good work girl! 🙂